the.com/actuary

A statistician who gets paid to tell you exactly when you'll die, on average.

means A professional who uses statistics and probability to calculate and manage financial risk, especially for insurance and pensions.

from From Latin actuarius, a clerk or bookkeeper who recorded the proceedings of public bodies — from agere, 'to do' or 'to drive, set in motion.' In ancient Rome the actuarius kept the official records; by the 18th century, English insurance offices borrowed the title for the person who crunched the numbers on mortality and risk, and the job's grim statistical specialty eventually swallowed the word whole.

risk
Turns death and disaster into spreadsheet rows
reputation
Voted dullest job, insures everyone else's excitement
origin
Term dates to 1762, oldest insurance gig around
humor
Actuary jokes exist, actuaries calculated their low odds
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